


The Struggles of Being Santa

by timehopper



Category: 999: Nine Hours Nine Persons Nine Doors - Fandom, Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol, Arguing, Bad Puns, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Gen, Swearing, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 16:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17124974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timehopper/pseuds/timehopper
Summary: The Kurashikis (and Junpei) invite the participants of the second Nonary Game over for Christmas, and they're all just as rowdy as ever.





	The Struggles of Being Santa

**Author's Note:**

> My ZEcret Santa gift for 23dogsinatrenchcoat on tumblr! I hope you guys like Santa jokes. 
> 
> Merry Christmas!

It’s been a strange sort of reunion. One year after “The Dcom Incident,” as they had all come to call it, the participants in the second nonary game - minus Hongou, of course - had decided to get together and celebrate Christmas. It had been Akane’s idea, in part so she could properly apologize for what she had put them all through to save her own life, and in part so she could show off her obnoxiously large engagement ring.

“Seriously,” Aoi says for the eighteenth time as she extends her hand to Clover, letting the light play off the glittering stone as Clover ‘ooh’s and ‘aah’s over it. “Did he have to get you something so gaudy?” 

“It’s not gaudy!” Junpei protests. He puts down the tray of sugar cookies he and Akane had spent the entire morning decorating together and walks over to the trio gathered around the kitchen table. “I picked it out special for her. The perfect stone for the perfect--” 

“Ugh, I think I’m gonna puke.” Aoi sticks his tongue out as Junpei wraps an arm around Akane’s waist and pulls his fiancee close. Clover laughs behind her hand. 

“What’s so funny?” Aoi snaps.

“Oh, nothing,” Clover says. “Just… you’d know all about getting the perfect gift for someone, wouldn’t you? Being Santa and all…” 

“Hey, that's right!” From around the corner to the other room, Seven pokes his head into the kitchen with a grin Aoi can only describe as ‘shit-eating.’ He laughs. “Where are all our presents?” 

Aoi glares at the man. “Ha ha. Funny. I don't know where  _ your _ presents are, but I sure know where you can shove them-” 

“Don't mind him!” Akane interrupts hastily. She laughs as Junpei moves around her and picks the tray of cookies back up to offer it to Aoi. 

“He's just grumpy because we didn't set out his milk and cookies. Everyone knows Santa doesn't leave presents ‘til he's been properly fed.”

“Fed up, more like…” Aoi mumbles under his breath. It’s only been a few jokes, but he's already had just about enough of this; the only thing stopping him from kicking everyone out of his house  _ right now  _ is the look Akane gives him from behind Junpei's back. He doesn't need to be an esper to know she's telling him to watch his attitude.  _ You're on thin ice.  _

He doesn't really know why he's in the doghouse already, but Aoi isn't about to make things worse for himself, so he sighs and slumps in defeat. Akane's an adult now, but even so, Aoi still can't bring himself to upset her. Not on Christmas. For him, this holiday is just the same as its always been: a holiday for Akane, all about making her happy. It’s what makes  _ him _ happy. 

So he takes the ribbing. Seeing his little sister happy after so long is more than worth it. 

… As he has to keep telling himself. 

The party moves from the kitchen to the living room, where Lotus sits on the couch chatting to Light and nursing a mug full of eggnog. Judging by the way her face is flushed, Junpei put a little more rum in it than was probably necessary (Or maybe not. Aoi catches Seven pull a flask out of his pocket and splash a generous amount of liquor into his own mug). 

_ So much for a quiet evening, _ he thinks mournfully. 

And sure enough, the moment he steps into the living room, Lotus turns and looks at him with a lopsided grin, one arm over the back of the couch and the other lifting her mug of eggnog into the air. It’s a miracle it doesn’t slosh over the rim of the mug and all over her chest, not hidden at all by the ridiculously low-cut blouse she wears. “Oooh, there he is!” she hoots. “The man of the hour!”

Aoi rolls his eyes and hopes she means Junpei, but he’s smarter than that. And he’s proven right when Lotus starts singing, low and sultry and way too seductively for someone her age: “ _ Santa baby… _ ”

“Ugh.” Seven squeezes his eyes shut, and Aoi wishes he could show the same frustration on his face without Akane elbowing him in the ribs. “You’re such a damn cougar.”

“ _ I’ve been an awful good -  _ Hey!” Lotus immediately stops singing and turns toward Seven, ire alight in her eyes. “It’s not like I’m going after him or anything!”

“Doesn’t change the fact that he’s way too young for you--”

“Excuse you! I’m only--”

“Ahem.” Snake clears his throat, thankfully distracting the two of them long enough to halt the fight before it can really get started. “I was under the impression the two of you were an item?”

_ Thank you, Light! _ Aoi thinks, endlessly grateful for the change in topic. He watches with no small amount of sick satisfaction as both Lotus and Seven turn bright red and look away from each other, both clearly either not wanting to admit that they’re interested in each other, or that they are, in fact, a thing.

Clover gasps and tries to hide her gaping mouth behind the tips of her fingers. “What? No way!”

“Oh, yes,” Snake says. “I’m surprised nobody else picked up on it. But then again, my sense of smell is probably significantly better than most of yours. I assume, then, that none of you could smell Lotus’s perfume on Seven? ”

Six pairs of eyes turn to Seven, whose face is now as red as the decorations on the Christmas tree. Fortunately for him, and unfortunately for Aoi, the attention is drawn away from him pretty quickly - perhaps because Light knows he’s embarrassed the two of them, and he feels the need to save face. He does so by laughing quietly and saying, “Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m not also curious about our dear Santa’s love life. So is there a Mrs. Claus, then?”

All the eyes that were on Seven turn to Aoi, who clicks his tongue and looks away. “What the fuck, man?” he mumbles. And after Light had been so nice as to pull the attention away from him a moment ago, too…

“You think there might be?" Junpei asks, as if Aoi weren't even there, but he quickly shakes his head in disbelief and dismissal. "Nah, look how grumpy he is! His heart's as cold as the North Pole, there's no way someone would be interested in him."

"Jumpy, that's not nice."

"Yeah!" Clover says. Aoi is a little bit surprised that she's coming to his defense so readily, but he isn't about to complain about it. At least  _ someone's _ on his side. "And that joke was  _ weak _ , Junpei. Even for you."

“My jokes aren’t weak!”

“Uh-huuuh.” Clover gives Junpei a withering look.

"Really! Tell her, Akane."

"Weeeellll..."

Junpei scoffs and puts a hand to his chest, hurt (or at least pretending to be). "You two can be so cruel..."

In a rare moment of solidarity with his sister's fiance, Aoi puts a hand on Junpei's shoulder and pats him reassuringly. "Oh, trust me. You ain't seen nothin' yet."

“Wh-what do you mean?” 

Man, the look on Junpei's face is priceless. But before Aoi can gleefully make things worse and tell Junpei just how adorably cruel his little sister can be, Seven chimes in and says, “Don't worry, kid. You'll learn soon enough that all women are cruel. Especially the pretty ones.”

Three voices shout “Hey!” in unison: Akane, indignant over being called out; Lotus, already up and waving a fist at her boyfriend over his rather rude remark at her expense; and Clover, who seems to be annoyed at Seven because that's just how she is with him. 

As the three women take turns grilling and yelling and pestering Seven, who rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, Aoi decides now would be a good time to back out of the conversation. He sneaks over to the Christmas tree and kneels down before it, gathering up a few of the presents in his arms.

“Living up to your namesake at last, I see?” 

Ah. Snake. Aoi had totally forgotten he was here, he'd been so quiet in the last few minutes. Probably just enjoying the chaos of their little reunion - and honestly, as exasperated as he is, Aoi is enjoying himself too. 

He snorts. “‘You see?’ That some kinda joke?” 

Snake chuckles. “Good to see your sense of humour is still alive and well.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Aoi rolls his eyes and smiles to himself. When he's got all the presents he can carry gathered up in his arms, he stands up and looks around the room in preparation of handing out the presents. “And to answer your question, yeah, I am.”

“And after all that ribbing, too. You’re a good man, Aoi.” There’s a pause in which both Aoi and Light smile at each other, but it’s loaded. Something else is coming, Aoi just knows it. 

“... Although, now that I think about it, I’m not sure Santa can put  _ himself _ on the Nice List…” 

“Yup! There it is!” Aoi rolls his eyes again. He fishes a present out from the armful he’s got and hands it to Light, who chuckles behind his hand. He’s never looked so much like his sister than he does in this moment. “And here I thought you were on my side. Just take your fuckin’ present, you snake.” 

Light laughs again at the very appropriate insult (which Aoi is particularly proud of), louder this time, and takes the proffered present. He doesn’t tear into it right away, though, instead opting to wait until Aoi has finished handing out the rest of the gifts. 

He goes to Akane first and hands hers off. She takes her gift gracefully, and when Junpei is offered his, he smiles as he takes it. “Guess you’re the white Santa tonight,” he says. 

Aoi has to stop in his tracks, eyes wide and dumfounded. He can’t believe Junpei still remembers that bullshit story from the Nonary game. But, then again, he figures a night like that is probably pretty unforgettable. After a moment, he grins. “You sure about that? You might not be saying that once you actually open up your present.”

“Wait, what?” Junpei suddenly looks alarmed. “What the hell’s in this thing?!” 

“Guess you’re just gonna have to find out, lover-boy,” Aoi says. With one last wink, he leaves a flustered and nervous Junpei behind to continue handing out presents. All that’s left now are Lotus, Clover, and Seven, and when he gets to them, the three are still arguing. 

“Come on, guys, it’s Christmas!” Seven says. “And besides, it’s not like I’m not speaking from experience! I ain't ever been with a woman who wasn't-”

“You finish that sentence and I'm gonna  _ kill _ you!” 

“See what I mean?!” 

“You’re hopeless,” Clover says with one last dismissive shake of her head. 

“Damn straight,” Aoi agrees. He sticks Lotus’s present in between the arguing couple, and that’s finally enough to distract them and at last get them to shut up. 

“What the hell?” Lotus starts, but Aoi is quick to cut her off by shoving the gift in her face more insistently. 

“Merry Christmas, you noisy witch,” he says. As soon as Lotus opens her mouth to yell at him, Aoi presses the edge of the box against her lips and muffles her words before she can get them out. It thankfully doesn’t take Lotus long to realize she’s already lost this fight, so she quiets down quickly and just accepts her present. 

She doesn’t thank him, though. But Aoi doesn’t want to push his luck.

He hands Seven his gift a little bit more patiently. “And for you, big guy.” 

Seven grins, laughs, and takes it. “Aw, thanks. But you know, you didn’t really have to do this. Not after you already gave me the gift of shutting her up--”

“I’ll kill you!” 

“No killing on Christmas!” Akane shouts from across the room, and that effectively ends that. Nobody wants to point out the irony in  _ her _ saying that, of all people, lest she decide to break her own rule.

And good thing, too. Aoi is starting to like the peaceful silence.

He hands the final present over to Clover. She recoils for a second, fake-surprised that she would get a gift too (lucky for Clover, coy is a good look on her), but after a second she smiles up at Aoi and takes her gift.

“For me?” she asks. 

“Obviously.” Aoi grins. “Not that you deserve it after making fun of me and starting this whole fuckin’ thing.”

“Oh, please.” Clover rolls her eyes, but she smiles at Aoi, clearly not bothered in the least. “As if you don’t love the attention.” 

“Hmph.” Aoi shrugs. As much as he hates to admit it, he can’t really deny that Clover is right. He really is having a good time, even with all the jokes. Because at the end of the day… he chose the mantle of Santa for a reason. And he’ll happily accept all the jokes that come with it if it means he can make up for the things he’s done, even for one night. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this and would like to see more, have a chat, or find out how to support me, please check out my twitter [@tim3hopp3r](https://twitter.com/tim3hopp3r) or follow my writing blog [@intim3ate](https://intim3ate.tumblr.com), where I post progress, WIPs, and take requests.
> 
> If you would like to find out how to support me, I have a handy list of links right [here](https://twitter.com/tim3hopp3r/status/1122210346939244544). Please check it out! I wouldn't be able to do this without people like you supporting me. ♥
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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